Having children in your 30s and 40s is becoming the norm today. It wasn’t all that long ago when most women would find their spouses in their 20s, and then settle down and have children. After WWII, women no longer worked in factories, healthcare, or other industries that required women to work, while men fought overseas.

In the 50s, 60s, and 70s, the ideal lifestyle was the one where the man was the primary breadwinner, and the woman worked inside the home. By the time parents were in their 40s, the children were already off to college.

Today, new parents may be in their 40s. Being pregnant while in your midlife can have implications that younger couples may never experience.

There is a changing social acceptance to having children when you’re older. In the past everyone would say “a child may not be healthy”, or “your risks for a Down child are higher”, or “you’ll be too tired to look after a child in your 50s”.

Modern medicine, and increasing social acceptance of the Down child can allay the fears of a couple who decides to have children when they’re older.

Today, many young men and women in their 20s aren’t ready to have children. Since both genders work nowadays, they may wish to focus on their careers. In fact, in many vocations, a woman may need to study through her 20s before even landing that great first job. Engineer, doctor, or scientist, women may put pregnancy on hold, to complete an education.

A large portion of the population isn’t even meeting their soul mate until they’re well into their 30s or their 40s. Yet many people wish to have children. They’re not shelving the idea of having children just because they’re older than twenty.

While there can be health implications, having a child at any age can be a great risk. Mothers may face deficiencies in their bodies, they may suffer from gestational diabetes, strokes, and more. These diseases certainly aren’t limited to older women, though the risks can be higher.

Many couples accept the risks of having children when they’re older. That’s part of the selflessness of being a parent. Sacrifices must be made. If you’re changing diapers when you’re 50, and you won’t see your child graduate high school until you’re 60, well, that’s all a part of the fun.

One great new reason arising from having children when you’re older is that many older parents say that having children makes them feel young again. It’s certainly possible that your life span will increase by having a child to look after as you age.

A child can bring great joy to your life. There can be a lot of laughing and play time that results. Children can also get us outside, into the fresh air. An active lifestyle may help counteract that middle aged lifestyle of sitting on the couch all weekend watching TV.

More people are waiting longer to start families, and not only are the resulting children benefiting from being born to an older couple, but the parents are experiencing great joy that they didn’t let age deter them from doing so.

There is no doubt that work stress has become an increasing factor in marital dissatisfaction. Today couples work on average a thousand more hours each year than people did thirty years ago. This number tends to increase further in expat cities as well as if you are an entrepreneur. All the extra work means that there is less time for talking, relaxing, eating and even sleeping. It is all too easy for stress to get the better of us and either withdraw or argue.

THE STRESS CYCLE
Not all couples get frustrated with work for interfering with their home life and responsibilities, quite often it can be the other way round. Some resent and blame their spouse and home life for interfering in their ability to perform at work. Clearly the stress either way is not healthy for individuals and their relationships.

This is what I call the stress cycle. Stress at work causes stress at home and then the stress of neglecting the home and our health, affects work performance, which in turn causes further stress at work. This can also lead bad habits to develop, habits which may relieve stress in the short-term but affect work, home and stress negatively long-term. What do I mean? Over drinking, eating, spending, sleeping all can impact the marriage.

7 WAYS TO STOP WORK STRESS FROM RUINING YOUR MARRIAGE - Save Your Marriage

1, Don’t Take Things Personally
If you or your spouse, come home with a dark cloud over your head and when asked “what’s wrong?” growl, shrug or reply “I don’t want to talk about it” don’t take it personally. You will be doing you and the relationship a huge favor if you are able to simply let this go. The last thing either of you need is hostility when you get in the door after a stressful day. Let them respond how they want to and don’t hold a grudge.

2, Get Perspective
If you are feeling suddenly outraged by something your spouse did or didn’t do, recognize that you may have blown things way out of proportion because you’re feeling tense. Ask yourself “is this really worth a battle over?” “Will bringing this up now benefit me or the relationship?”

3, Create an Unwinding Ritual

Some like to come home and go straight onto their lap top and start watching funny videos or reading news. Others like to unwind by chatting, having a drink or exercising as soon as they get in. Personally I like to sit in silence and write a list of what I need to do the next day, so it is out of my head, leaving me ready to engage in the evening.
Some couples unwind best when they do something together, whether that is a massage, cooking, cleaning or talking. Only once you both have had the time you need to unwind and feel composed, is it a good time to discuss the stress of the day.

4, Allow an Open Whining Session But Limit the Time

If your spouse has had a terrible day, let them share the catastrophes that occurred. ALWAYS be supportive, understanding and non-judgmental. Never say they shouldn’t feel the way they feel, that it doesn’t matter and NEVER side with their colleagues or boss. After a stressful day, all you and they really need is someone to listen and be on your side.
Make sure you fully listen to each other as well. There is nothing worse than opening up about a difficult day to find your other half, not paying attention or distracted by something on TV or their phone. It’s insulting and can ruin communication for the night.
Whilst it can be beneficial to share the stressors of the day, constantly talking about work can drive each other mad. Limiting the “whining session” to a 30 minute debrief will help you avoid spending the whole night complaining about work problems.

5, Only Give Advice if Asked for it

Many couples when discussing work problems get into arguments where one tells the other what to do in their attempt to fix the problem. Giving advice unless we are specifically asked for it doesn’t go down well. When someone starts telling us what to do, it can feel like they want us to shut up, they don’t understand or think we are incapable of resolving the situation. Sometimes we can get frustrated at their advice, because if it truly was that simple, we would have fixed the problem already ourselves. So I recommend you avoid giving advice, show interest and instead ask them, if they want you to help in anyway.

6, Balance Negative with Positive
Once you’ve got the stressful stuff out in the open. Help each other feel better by talking about non-stressful things or being affectionate. Laughing, joking, gossiping, planning your weekends and holidays -all create a good feeling inside. They also bring you closer together. Watching comedy or reminiscing over the good old days can be a great way to laugh off the stress of the day.

7, Disconnect from Electronic Devices for a Bit

It is truly amazing what technology can do these days and how this has transformed the way we communicate and live. Whilst some switch on their devices to de-stress after work others continue to work. If work is an area of stress in your life, by continuing to work in your home and around your spouse you run the risk of bringing in more tension.
Strategies that have helped couples I’ve worked with include; an hour break set aside for dinner and talking time or having a switch off point 9pm or 10pm. Others have agreed check times and then switch off.

I know that some employers and clients expect us to be contactable all the time, and we must do what we need to do to keep and excel in our jobs. But many share that they often cannot do anything about the email until the next day anyway, so why bother reading the emails twice and essentially doubling your working time

Summary
With the work day becoming increasingly longer and socializing out of work hours expected in some cultures, work stress if not managed effectively can undoubtedly come between a married couple if you let it. But you can also use it to bring you closer together through sharing and supporting one another. If work stress becomes chronic or has led to depression and marriage problems, I recommend you seek marriage support to help you reconnect and save your marriage, before it's too late.

From my heart to yours,

Nicola

P.S If you found this article useful, you may also like my free e-book "7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage"

When it comes to infidelity and after the affair recovery in couple therapy, here are the top 3 common questions I often get asked:
1. Is it possible to avoid affairs and affair-proof your marriage?
2. Are there ways to ruin my cheating husband's / wife's affair and show them what they have with me?
3.I think about cheating often and get really tempted, can the marriage still work?

Yes, is the answer to these questions!
I have answered them below in my 4 Steps to Help Avoid Affairs in Your Marriage.
I normally cover this in a lot more detail in my private online group programs, infidelity audio set and 1 to 1 sessions, if you need further support scroll to the P.S section for details.

Infidelity - 4 Steps to Avoid Affairs In Marriage
Note: The below does not apply to those who have a sex addiction, for sex addiction a different strategy is required - please contact me in confidence on this matter if you are concerned you or your spouse has a sex or porn addiction.

1. Recognize that we all have the capacity to cheat.
Recognizing that we are all vulnerable to affairs can help the marriage. Apart from cheating that happens as a one-night stand, most cheating is about unmet needs.
What typically happens is someone gets hurt or frustrated that their needs for attention, affection, sex, engaging conversation, respect, care isn't being met and they become resentful. Over time, distance is created and then all it takes is for someone to come along and offer what the person has been longing for and they are tempted.
When we feel neglected it becomes easier to justify cheating. Some husbands and wives will say to me "Nicola I would never ever cheat," and that may be so, but my experience has taught me that in certain circumstances and conditions, many of us are susceptible.
It may sound strange, but awareness of how vulnerable we all can be, is the first key to protecting your marriage. Read the next steps for how to stop affairs.

2. Give your partner the 4 A's - Attention, Affection, Appreciation, and Admiration
They will reciprocate - the impact of this is massive. One person has the power alone to transform a marriage. Nearly 40% of the marriages that I save start with one person attending the marriage counseling. Focus on turning the aforementioned 4 A's into the following actions that you can take daily, and reap the rewards:
#1 Make it a habit to greet your partner when they come home.

#2 Kiss and cuddle with them every morning and night before you part ways or sleep.

#3 Ask them how they are and really listen, give them your undivided attention; no phones, TV, or other distractions.

#4 Express and show appreciation for their unique qualities, not just a "thank you" or "you're great," but rather be specific, and offer something that tells them what is special about them - then the compliment really means something!

#5 Admire them. We love and need to be admired by our partner - it makes us want to be around them more. If we feel criticized, not good enough, not respected, then we will want to avoid our partner.

Make an effort to do this especially if you are spending time apart. If one of you travels a lot for business, make sure the first 4 hours you or they return home you give each other undivided attention, affection, appreciation - this will set a positive loving tone for the rest of your weekend or week.

It's loving actions, not talking about problems that can save a marriage and help prevent a cheating husband or wife. That's why my marriage counseling is never about hashing out old problems.

3. Take control, set boundaries, and protect your marriage
The best thing you can do for your marriage if you feel yourself getting close to someone inside or outside of work, is to pull away and avoid being alone with that person. Ideally only see them in group settings and decline any one-on-one invitations in order to protect your marriage. You have to shield yourself from temptation.

Another thing that works well is to bring your spouse along to meet them or invite them over for dinner with your spouse, it will change how you interact and that is a good thing if flirting has been going on.

Some married men and women end up deciding to avoid the person, whom they feel tempted around, altogether and while that may seem a bit extreme... is your marriage and family worth protecting? Most people say yes, especially those who have cheated. Here you need to get honest with yourself, if you do this your spouse won't need to control you.

It is also worth noting that controlling each other doesn't work, before or after an affair. Monitoring each other's phone, social media and whereabouts will drive them or you further away.

4. Use any fantasies to improve your marriage.
If you find yourself fantasying about what it might be like to be with someone else then look for what the fantasy could be telling you about your own relationship.
Could it be a signal that you need more attention, affection or a more fulfilling sex life?

Is it highlighting that something is missing?

Can it give you clues of what you and your partner could to work on to be happier?
Analyze your thoughts and see what you can learn from them, they can often teach us how we wish we were with our partner. Then you can use the information to increase the love, passion and happiness in your own marriage. To reconnect, you need to focus on their needs, and they will reciprocate.

I recommend you first ask them, how they view the relationship, what you could do to make them happier. This open approach, if done well, can spark transformation and a new era for your marriage. I offer many tips on how to motivate your spouse to change in the “Save My Marriage Program,” and I offer a bonus 2 part infidelity audio recording for you to keep. To find out more book your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation - simply visit http://www.savemymarriageprogram.com/consult

From my heart to yours,

Nicola

Nicola is a Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program. She specializes in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less…Guaranteed!

P.S Unsure if Your Marriage Can Be Saved? Get the FREE Quiz - Can My Marriage Be Saved? To find out, it addresses 30 marriage problems and looks at whether it's possible to save your marriage and what actions to take if you can. Take the QUIZ now http://www.savemymarriageprogram.com/quiz

PP.S OR If your marriage is in serious trouble and you need help now - Book Your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation TODAY http://www.savemymarriageprogram.com/consult

One of the physical changes that I have been warned about as I get in to my middle age years is a declining interest in sex. Personally, now that I am approaching my mid-forties, I would say that I have noticed the beginnings of a decline in interest but I am not sure if that has to do exclusively with my age, or maybe a combination of the fact that I am constantly stressed and tired trying to help my wife raise four small children ages 10 years and younger with the youngest still in diapers! Long gone are the my unmarried without children days when I could come home late after a hard day’s work and look forward to having the rest of the evening to do whatever I wanted to do. That freewheeling lifestyle also lasted another two years after I got married, before our first child was born. And if my memory serves me correctly, I think the birth of baby #1 also marked the last time that I have ever watched a 30-minute TV show in its entirety. My point is that becoming a parent has diverted my attention away from a lot of things that I used to changed everything

1. Bring home Flowers. I’m speaking to the guys on this one. Guys, make sure you bring home flowers to your lady. Women love receiving flowers just as much after they are married as they did when you gave them to her while you were dating. And there’s no need to spend a fortune using one of those online flower bouquet services to get the job done. Where I live, I can go to my local supermarket and pick up 18 roses for $12.99. I just throw the flowers in the same shopping cart with the 4 gallons of milk at a time and the diapers and I’m good to go!
2. Go Dancing Together. My wife and I both like to dance so when we go to a party with a dance floor we’ll get on up and dance at least a few songs. I remember one year watching another couple at a Christmas party we both attended. I remember the guy had a beer bottle in one hand and his other hand was slung over the chair next to him. The music was pumping and the dance crowd was having a great time, and there sat this guy, with a blank stare in his eyes as if he was oblivious to about a hundred people jumping up and down to blaring music only feet away from his table. But what made this memory stick in my mind all these years later was the look on the face of his date sitting next to him. She looked sad. I never asked or found out exact reason why they both sat there that entire evening, but my impression was the guy didn’t want to dance and the girl did. Let’s not read anything more into this than necessary, but let it suffice to say that it is my personal opinion that good things will happen in your marriage if you go dancing together.
3. Give yourself a time out. Coming home to a house full of screaming children and a stressed out spouse who had just as crazy of a day as you did, doesn’t contribute to setting a positive atmosphere once the family reunites back at home at the end of a day. One thing to consider is to figure out a way for both you and your partner carve out a few minutes to “decompress” after a stressful day. Maybe that means surfing the internet for a few minutes or even just changing out of your work clothes and into something more comfortable, these few minutes can do wonders to help you center your mind before going back into the fray and figuring out why everybody is yelling at each other…just saying from experience on this one.
4. Say “I Love You.” I am half Chinese and one of the things that I have learned about this side of my family is that it is not common for my Chinese relatives to say “I love you” to each other. I have come to understand this as a cultural thing that has nothing to do with the intense affection that they feel for the important people in their lives. With that being said, my mother is German and Irish and told me that she, too, rarely heard the words “I love you” during her childhood. That’s why I’m so glad that my mother decided to break that tradition when she had her own children. I was constantly told by my mother that she loved me and it meant the world to me that she said those three words to me. As a father and husband, I slather those three words all over my people every single day. I want my children to grow up as adults with those three words burned into their memory of how their father feels about them even when I am no longer with them. Yes, actions do speak louder than words, but I’m sure no relationship has ever suffered from hearing the words “I Love You” from their significant other. Just say it!

5. Guard your Heart. This morning my gym trainer said to me “you see that woman checking you out, John?” The first time he said it to me it sounded kind of funny as if he was trying to motivate me to workout harder during our training session. But then he kept pointing out other women staring by saying “there, did you see that, she’s looking at you...what do you think about that!” I’m laughing as I write this, but my response to my trainer was actually kind of serious. I told him “yes, I can see they are looking, but I’m married and I can’t afford to look back. Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT oblivious to all of the hot women at the gym, but I am fully convinced that getting too close to another woman
personally aware of more than one good relationship among my friends that has gone south by someone allowing those emotions to any room in my heart to develop and potentially break the relationship of trust that I have with my wife. Maybe some of you reading this are able to be stronger or more mature about this than me, but I’ve been around long enough to know what some of my own weaknesses are, and I am fully aware that I could quickly get in trouble if I did not daily and vigilantly guard my heart and commit to be faithful to my wife. If you’ve got a good thing going, then don’t put yourself in a situation, as harmless as it might seem, that might potentially divert romantic energy away from the true love of your life!

Note: The names have been changed to protect the true identity of the Individuals that are being discussed in this article.
Jack and Jane were a couple who came for marriage counseling, as they were constantly fighting over Jane's love of fashion and the financial cost of her shopping sprees, her husband Jack couldn't keep up with it and thought that there were far more important things to be spending money on. Jane felt hurt that Jack didn't try to understand her passion and angry as he spent plenty of money out socializing and drinking. They came to save their marriage, as after years of not understanding each other's interests they had grown so far apart, they were living separate lives under the same roof.
Martha and James, another couple that sought marriage counseling to save their marriage, were also struggling to see eye to eye over the amount of time James would spend watching cricket, tennis, and football on TV. Any game, any time of day when he wasn't working he would want to sit and watch TV, this drove Martha crazy, she was concerned what that would teach their 3 children and annoyed he didn't seem interested or make an effort for family time.
It can be difficult if you or your partner have a hobby you passionately embrace and the other one sees it as nothing but an intrusion. Yet it is critical to reach a compromise to prevent frustration and resentment from building, as resentment can often lead to angry silence, withdrawal or explosive rows.

Here are 7 Steps to Keep Your Hobbies and Marriage Intact - Save Your Marriage

1. Recognize we all have hobbies. I've noticed working with many couples, that on average men tended to have one hobby that takes up a lot of their time and women had several activities (which they weren't counting as hobbies). For instance, I love to run, swim, practice yoga, write, dance, cook and try alternative healing courses. None of these hobbies individually take up much of my time, but collectively they add up to be more than some of the most consuming hobbies.
2. Ensure you both have hobbies. Expecting your partner to be your hobby or vice versa can be a recipe for disaster. It's just like expecting them to make YOU happy, only YOU can do that. If your spouse is having difficulty to accept your hobbies and have none of their own, help them to find something enjoyable and stress-relieving.
3. Find the good. We tend to love our hobbies, to us they are noble, important and engaging. If you think your spouse's hobby is silly, trivial or dumb or they say the same about yours, you are judging each other, when you need to be supporting each other. Look for the good in each other's hobbies, for example Jane explained to Jack, that he was benefitting from her fashion and make up passion, as she always looked good and took care of her appearance, which he always complimented her on. The benefit to Martha of James’s hobby was that he could play with the children and watch TV at the same time, so she could get on and do things she needed and liked to do. Plus she was grateful that his hobby was not a financial burden to them.
4. Accept all hobbies, as they are part of who we are. When we reject the hobbies of our partners or they reject ours, we are in some way rejecting a part of each other. As our hobbies make us who we are and for most of us are a source of stress relief and happiness. Would you rather prefer a grumpy, bored spouse with plenty of time or a happy, content spouse with a hobby? I'd choose the second.
5. Learn about each other's hobbies. I love the statement "If you can't beat them, join them!" I think this is a great approach in marriage to learn more about each other's passions, it will enhance your conversation and connection, even better if you can join them.
6. Always have at least one hobby you share. Find a hobby you look forward to doing together, this will help you become closer and strengthen your relationship. If we engage in all our hobbies without our spouse, we miss the opportunity for the fun and excitement to be brought into the marriage.
7. Talk about your boundaries. Despite the above we all have boundaries, Think about what you both really need to be happy. Chances are it’s often not the hobby that really bothers us. It’s the time or money spent on it, especially if the time or money isn’t being spent on something else important to us!
Ask yourselves what is it that bothers you? Could it be you want more time as a family? More intimacy, affection or appreciation? Are you concerned financially that you won't have enough money for the car, holiday or children's needs?
Learn to share what precisely what is on your mind so you can move forward and compromise. Be vulnerable and you will reap the rewards! Rather than say “I hate you doing that stupid hobby” instead say, “I miss being with you and would love to spend more time together” Or if your partner has a problem with your hobby ask them lovingly what concerns they have. Then work out a compromise that suits you both and fits in with the family.
Hobbies can help a marriage if the right balance is struck, aim to support one another and speak up if you need to.
P.S.   If you feel hobbies have already come between you and you are barely communicating. Then I recommend you focus on 4 things to get back to a good place:
1) Affection, 2) Appreciation, 3) Intimacy and 4) a Joint Activity... this will lead to a deeper connection, so communication can improve.

I founded Midlife Magazine with the intent to convince middle age men and women that these precious years can and should be the very best years of their lives. With that purpose in mind, I created a one minute introduction video http://youtu.be/Mzt4MImmwzs that I wanted to convey the spirit of fun, excitement, and privilege that fun that is possible during our middle-age years. Yes, middle-age is also fraught with a lot of very serious issues, but this particular video was meant to focus on the positive aspects of this phase of life.
I have asked several middle-age people a simple question: “Would you trade your current life situation to that of your former self from twenty-years earlier?” Would you believe that those I asked this question answered “no?” Of course, one of the obvious reasons why someone would want to go backwards in time is that they would get to be twenty years younger and who wouldn’t want that! But upon further inspection, here are a few more things to consider before making your decision as follows:
1.Was I happier person twenty years ago than I am today?
2.Was I in a better financial position twenty years ago?
3.Did I have as many friends and family surrounding me back then as compared to today?
4.Was I more grounded and at peace with myself as a person?
5.Was I able to make more meaningful contributions to society?
6.Have I been able to travel and see more of the world?
7.Did I have more decision making power?
8.Did I have more leadership opportunities?
9.Was I able to make a bigger difference for good in my home, community, and world?
10.Did I appreciate life more?
It’s not reasonable to think that every single aspect of your life is better now than 20 years ago. Truth be told, yes, I would definitely like to have a body with twenty less years of “mileage” on it. But comparing apples to apples, I venture to guess that most of you have more good things going for you now than you did twenty years ago, and that’s my point! Middle age is THE BEST PHASE OF YOUR LIFE and should be appreciated and enjoyed having that understanding. So here’s to the best years of our lives, folks!

Several months ago, a very prominent couple in our neighborhood was forcibly tied up by 4 men who entered their home on a dark rainy evening. Fortunately, the couple was left relatively unharmed after the men got what they wanted. The men left the couple tied up in their home before fleeing the house. With time, the couple was able to break free and called 911. I remember seeing the news van outside broadcasting on the incident and thinking to myself enough is enough. Our own home had been burglarized while we were away and I am aware of other families in our neighborhood who had experienced a burglary, but this time it was different. This time the criminals were bolder. There was no sneaking around, this was in my neighbor’s face, and give the intruders what they want or suffer the consequences.
To my knowledge, the role of Area coordinator had been left vacant for many years before I raised my hand and offered to help. I went through a background check and an informal interview process with the police chief and the next thing I know I am the point man for our neighborhood.
Here is a portion of the email that I sent out to my neighbors regarding the Neighborhood Watch National Night Out https://natw.org/
Since I am so new to this role, I was under the impression that the neighborhood higher ups were going to be sending an email invitation out to all the neighbors living within my area of responsibility, but the day before the event I was told that it was my job to contact everybody! On one day’s notice I sent out an email to a very limited list of families who had previously subscribed to the Neighborhood Watch email. The email list was so old that I estimate about 60% of the list bounced back. Here is an excerpt of the email that I sent out to my families:
Hi Neighbors,
My name is John Teng and I am the newly appointed Neighborhood Watch Area Coordinator for our neighborhood. I wanted to extend a personal invitation to you families and your fellow neighbors to come to my home tomorrow evening between 5:30 and 7:30PM to meet other families in our neighborhood, and to also learn how we can all work together to strengthen our Neighborhood Watch program. Please reply to this email so that I can prepare enough snacks for everybody! I am looking forward to meeting you all as well!
Sincerely,
John Teng

To my surprise, with about 24 hours’ notice, I had a group of about 40 total strangers at my house thanking me for taking on the role as Area Coordinator for the neighborhood and asking how they could help me. After all these years without a Neighborhood Watch presence in my neighborhood, it turns out that all my neighbors needed was for someone to get the ball rolling. I left that initial meet and greet with more enthusiasm than ever to do what I could with the help of other concerned neighbors to make our neighborhood a safer place to live for the future.
And I encourage all of you to learn more about how you can participate in your own local Neighborhood Watch programs. Please visit http://nnw.org/find-a-watch-program to find a Neighborhood Watch program near you!

I recently watched a documentary about the history of military snipers. The narrator mentioned that enemy snipers considered the officers as high value targets to snipers because to take down a leader not only caused confusion among the ranks of the other soldiers but also was a blow to the fighting morale to the troops under that fallen officer’s leadership.
It soon occurred to me after watching this documentary that there was parallel story that could be drawn middle aged men and women. By the time someone “arrives” in the years considered middle age, they have already lived a considerable amount of life, had a lot of experiences, learned a lot of lessons, made a few friends, added a few family members to their household, made a little (or a lot) of money, and gained some influence and expertise in their chosen vocations or professions. In other words, men and women hold many seats of leadership and influence in society during their middle age years.

Understanding those positions of responsibility and privilege that they hold, it should not come as any surprise that when a middle age man or woman for whatever reason “goes down,” the results are more far reaching and devastating than just the life of that individual. Take for example this story about a hypothetical woman named Amy:
Amy is in her late forties, she’s happily married and the mother of two children. Amy is also well educated and she has worked hard to amass enough professional experience in the corporate world to where she finally felt confident enough to strike out on her own and start her own business venture. Because of Amy’s hard work ethic, it came as no surprise that her business quickly flourished. Soon Amy employed 30 people and had a steady flow of customers from around the world.
As her business grew, so did the need for her to travel out of town to meet with her clients. The business trips sometimes kept her away from home for a couple of weeks at a time. While on the road, she would call home every night to make sure that her husband was holding down the fort with the kids. Her husband also had his own job, and for while he kept a good attitude about the added responsibilities he had at home by himself, but after a few too many of the long business trips, the only thing Amy and her husband did when they spoke on the phone was argue. Both had valid points; they both felt tired, stressed, lonely, and underappreciated. They both felt trapped, the business was flourishing but they both knew their marriage was floundering, it was as if Amy and her husband didn’t even know each other anymore. When Amy came home from a trip it was like returning home to strangers. The stress and long distance relationship sucked the love and intimacy from their marriage. And then one day during a following business trip, one of Amy’s clients invited her to dinner. It was just like a thousand other business dinners she had, only this time this man made romantic advances towards her. Amy truly loved her husband, but that last fight was a doozy, and they hadn’t been intimate with each other in a couple of months with the traveling and then the quarreling when they were together. In an uncharacteristic fit of clouded reasoning and emotion, Amy gives in to her client’s romantic advances.
Here are some of the possible “snipers” in this hypothetical story:
1. Too much time away from Amy’s loved ones.
2.Amy having dinner alone with another man while on the road.
3.Putting the business in front of the relationship.
4.Amy’s husband not getting help around the house to eliminate some of the building stress that contributed to the quarreling.
5.Lack of communication between Amy and her husband about how to preserve their relationship while building the business.

And here is a short list of some of the potential “casualties”:
1. Amy loses her husband who finds out about her affair and files for a divorce.

2. Amy’s children are separated from one of their parents because of the divorce which adds more stress to their already stressful teenage experience.

3.Amy has to downsize her company when her husband sues her for half of her business assets in order to raise their two children now as a single parent.

4.Amy liquidates a portion of the business and lays off half of her employees in order to fulfill the court order.

5.Amy’s former employees and their own families suffer financially due to the layoff.

6.Amy’s affair was just a one night stand, and now there is really no one to come home to after a long business trip.
When a middle age man or woman falls for whatever reason (infidelity, sexual abuse, substance abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, addictions, boredom, the reasons to fall are many) he or she takes many other people down with them. Just like a sniper who looks to put an officer in his cross hairs, the middle age man and woman has so much more to lose now than they ever did before during this phase of life. With that in mind, they must be more vigilant than ever to safeguard themselves and their loved ones from the fall.

People say that opposites attract, and that is not just for love. It’s true that people who are different from you are intriguing. They have interests that you may never have explored and they do the things that you have never thought to try. Maybe this is why men and women in their midlife crisis often abandon what they know as safe and reliable for events and friendships that are less than healthy. In fact, having friends that have different interests from you keeps you on your toes and can even be a key to being more content with your own life.
Keep reading to explore some of the proven benefits of having friends that interests that differ from your own.

Experience New Things
One of the best things about having friends with different interests, especially as you get older, is their ability to help you experience new things. Maybe your best friend loves golfing and you have never tried that or they are interested in a specific art form that you have never experienced before. They allow you to experience more and branch out from what may have become mundane and boring to you. However, it is important to remember that not every interest your friend may have may be good for your life so use common sense in what new things you choose to experience.

Expand You Horizons
Friends of different religions and cultures are a great way to expand your horizons. You will begin to absorb different opinions about social issues and expand your view of the world through other cultures.

Helps You Deal with Differences
As you get older you will more than likely be less willing to compromise. Whether it be on where you want to go for dinner, you opinion on politics, or your ideas for an important project in the office. By maintaining friendships with people who are different from you, you will learn how to handle disagreements in a healthier way and help you compromise even as you get older.

Fills in the Missing Pieces of You
As you get older you may begin to feel less content in your life and find gaps in your life. Friends with different interests can help fill these. They can help you get that sense of excitement back, without putting yourself or your family in jeopardy. Friends who are different from you can also help you fill in those traits that you do not see yourself as having, such as courage, enthusiasm, or passion. Friends who differ from you are a source of these traits in times where you seem to lack them.

You Can View Different Walks Of Life
Part of having friends of different interests is having friends of different ages. No matter how old you are, you can learn from people of all ages. Older friends show you what life could be like at the next stage can help you avoid unnecessary mistakes when you get there, by seeing what someone else has done right or wrong. Younger friend’s help you maintain a feeling of youth and let you stay connected with the generation behind you, helping you to stay in touch with the cutting edge of all things new. Both of these types of friendships have actually been linked to helping people live longer.

There is no right or wrong way to have a friendship, and in many ways there are no right or wrong friends. Friends can have a variety of interests, personalities, and ages and still be as close to you as your best friend who agrees with you in every way. In fact, different friendships may be healthier than friendships made by people who are exactly the same. So branch out! Take good risks and reclaim your youth by using the act of friendship.

Positive relationships are good for you in so many ways. They are good for your heart, they keep you young, they can help you live longer and they work as a buffer during emotional times in your life. However, many people go through their life not knowing how to build positive relationships, and thus they fail to. They socialize with only people who want to use them, or they remain in toxic friendships and they do not know of the benefits of fostering positive relationships. Sometimes they do not even know how to build something positive if all the relationships they have ever had have been negative. If you happen to be one of these people, good news, you do not lose the ability to build positive relationships. If you are on the receiving end of too much negativity, it’s not too late even in middle age to surround yourself with positive friendships.
Here are 6 tips to help you build and maintain positive relationships in your life:

1.Put Away Your Phone
Although mobile devices can be a great form of communication and they offer an abundance of knowledge at your fingertips; they may not be helpful in fostering healthy relationships. One thousand “cyber friends” will never replace one solid confidante in your life who has your back when you really need help. And building that level of friendship takes more than just sending them an email or text once in awhile.

2.Trust More
This is extremely important in any relationship. By trusting someone you will tell them more about your private life. The more you emotional support that you give, the more emotional support you can receive. By trusting someone they will also learn to trust you, which forms a deep bond. No, you do not have to trust everyone, but many positive and healthy relationships have a significant amount of trust in them.

3.Develop Your Communication Skills
Communication doesn’t just relate to being able to speak well, but also listening well. Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings which can be detrimental to any type of relationship. Make sure that you are speaking clearly and never assume that you are being 100% understood; allow questions.

4.Learn To Listen
Have you ever heard the joke about why we have two ears and only one mouth? Listening is a very important part of communication because if you are not really listening to the question then how can you provide an informed answer? And if you are willing to listen to others they will most likely also be more willing to you. Listening well lets people feel valued and helps to raise their self-esteem. Listening effectively also makes you trustworthy; which is again important to positive relationships.

5.Celebrate Differences
One of the most difficult things about having any type of relationship is how seemingly every person in this world is so different. But on the other hand, imagine how boring this world would be if everyone was the same? The best “people persons” know how to identify common ground with any new person, despite how different their backgrounds may be, and then to start with that in order to build a relationship of trust and friendship. If you’re willing to dig deep enough, you’ll see just how similar we all are to each other!

6.Develop Empathy
People may forget what you did for them, but they will never forget how you make them feel, good or otherwise. Have empathy and try your best to give advice based upon your own experiences and do not belittle someone’s feelings.

Have you ever seen an unexplainable act of kindness and wonder, “why would anyone do that? Why would anyone stop to talk to the homeless man on the side of the street? Why would a woman on the phone offer to buy that candy for another person’s kids because they receive government aide? Why would a business man, simply going about his day stop on the subway to give a woman selling flowers $140? You may think that these are things that never would happen, but what if you saw the last one with your own eyes?
About a year ago on a busy subway a woman selling flowers was stopped by a man in a business suit. He asked how much a rose would cost and then asked to buy the entire array of flowers. The only catch? The woman had to promise him that she would give away the entire cart of flowers that he purchased, to total strangers also traveling on the subway that day. At first the woman responded to the man’s outlandish request with suspicion, but after the man handed gave her the $140 in cash, the woman was so touched by the man’s random act of kindness that she broke out in tears in front of him and the rest of the on looking passengers. The subway then arrives at the next station, the doors open, and the man exits and slips away into the crowd. The entire exchange was caught on film by one of the on looking passengers. And the last portion of the film then shows the woman sobbing tears of joy as she announces to the rest of the passengers to step forward if they would like a free flower!
Who would do this kind of thing? We are so used to people in this world being mean, vindictive, and cruel to one another. We are used to riots in the streets, injustice by authority, violence in the classrooms, and men in pristine suits walking by those who are in need. So who are these seemingly few “Good Samaritans” and where do they come from… and why are there not more of them? The man on the subway seemed to care less about the money that he handed the woman, even though for many a $140 is a lot of money. Was this man rich? Was this simply disposable income? Or was he just a good man who wanted to bring a smile to the face of a total stranger?
Not much is known about the man on the subway, but if he was like any other average business man on that subway, $140 was a decent chunk of money for him. Yet, he gave it away easily. He did not just do good for one person, however, he let his good deed spread and do good for many others in the general vicinity of his deed.
There are the types of random acts of kindness that I hope we all render to others as often as we can. Money and belongings do not help you once you are gone. Yes, those things can help your family and community if you choose to do so, but you certainly can’t take your material possessions with you when you die.
Joke: A dying rich man makes his son promise that his father will be buried with all of his money when he dies. So at the father’s burial, the son kept his promise and wrote a check, written to the name of his father, and in the amount of 1 million dollars, and placed it into the open grave.
When you realize this somber fact, you might feel more inclined to identify a well deserving individual organization that could blessed by a random act of kindness on your part. And then you, too, may then be counted as another one of the “Good Samaritans” in the world, by those who you directly serve, but just as importantly considered as such by the silent bystanders who see your example and who hopefully inspired to do the same.

Marriage is a union between two people, bringing two lives together and creating a life. Of course, keeping a marriage together is not just about saying “I do,” it is about passion, intimacy, and commitment. One of the big things, however, that tends to tear marriages apart is a failing sexual relationship and a lack of intimacy. There are several myths about intimacy in a marriage that people listen to. Many of them, however, are not true and believing them can only hurt your marriage more.

1. Your Sexual Relationship Will Improve Over Time
This is in fact, a myth. Sexual relationships need to be built and worked at. A bad sexual relationship is not going to improve. If you are not getting what you need or want you need to talk to your spouse. Do not think that your spouse can read your mind and that they will improve their skills or what they are doing over time. In fact, if you are unsatisfied in the bedroom; you will more than likely remain unsatisfied until it becomes a point of tension in your marriage.

2. A Good Sexual Relationship Will Happen Right After You Are Married
This is yet another myth. Sexual relationships are something that needs to be worked on, they do not automatically happened. Those who do not have a sexual relationship before they are married will need to work harder than those who do. The best way to work on this kind of relationship is to talk about what you want and need and have your spouse respond; communication, openness, and vulnerability will help build a great intimate relationship once you say your vows. Without these traits, the relationship cannot hope to survive or be fulfilling for either person.

3. Sexual Disinterest Will Happen; There Is Nothing You Can Do About It
Disinterest happens in the bedroom when things become normal and mundane. In the triangular Theory of Love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, he explains why. There are three key components to love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. In the beginning of a relationship whether you are newly dating or newly married, passion is high. This means that everything will be satisfactory, including the sexual relationship, making intimacy high. As the relationship progresses, commitment begins to determine whether or not a couple will stay together. Passion will decrease and if commitment does not increase, then intimacy will also decrease. If your marriage is built on lust and passion, not love and commitment, then it’s only a matter of time before you become disinterested in the bedroom. Those who build their relationship on love and commitment with the added benefit of passion, with see a sexual relationship that remains steady and enjoyable.

4. There Will Always Be Physical Closeness
Warm cuddles and lots of sex and hand holding in public only goes on for so long. Passion and the want to be close all the time mostly happens in the beginning of a relationship. Again, refer to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. Passion is very high at the beginning of a relationship or in new phases of a relationship. Marriage is a new phase to many relationships and therefore passion and the want to be close skyrockets. However, as the months and years go on, both parties will not desire to be as close. Yes, you will still want sex, to cuddle, and maybe have some PDA; but not all the time. Coming to terms with this reality will help you to not be heartbroken when your spouse begins to drift away slightly. Drifting away does not mean your relationship is ending; it simply means you are getting past what is known as the “honeymoon phase.”

5. A Good Sexual Relationship Means There Will Not Be Other Marital Issues
Some people believe that sex can cure anything—but that is not quite true. Yes, a good sexual relationship can put problems on hold but that is all it will ever do. You will simply be pushing problems down the line until one day, you or your spouse explodes from a long list of complaints. Sex does not solve underlying relationship issues; it simply puts them off. Expect that there will be fights and disagreements in your marriage and agree to communicate about them. Do not try and bury them by using your sex life.

6. Sexual Relationships Are Built from Passion Not Attitudes
Yes, passion is a great indicator of what your sexual relationship will be like, but after a while, that initial passion will begin to fade. In the end, your attitudes toward your sexual relationship mean more than your level of passion ever will. If you have a negative attitude, are not willing to compromise, or refuse to listen to your spouse’s wants and needs, then passion alone will not save your relationship.

Before you get married, you obviously dream about the perfect relationship, and when you got to your wedding day, everyone told you a lot of tips and tricks about how to keep your marriage together. However, they probably also told you a lot of myths about marriage that really are not true, but are often generally accepted. Knowing these myths can help you avoid problems with your marriage, boost communication, and keep love alive. Here are ten common marriage myths and what is actually true.

Myth 1: Marriage Always Changes a Person
The Truth: Marriage does not always change people. In fact, many times what you see is what you get. This is why it is best to really know a person before you tie the knot. If you think marriage will change a bad attitude, laziness, narcissism, or overspending; then you may need to reevaluate why you want to get married.

Myth 2: You Should Not Tell Your Spouse about Negative Feelings
The Truth: If you do not tell your spouse about negative feeling or attitudes then the feelings may not improve. If you are having issues in the relationship or even outside, it is best to bring these feelings to light. Why? This goes back to having good communication. Communication means that you will be able to talk freely about issues within the relationship and find closure to negative feelings, bad attitudes, or other relationship problems.

Myth 3: You Will Always Agree
The Truth: You will never always agree with anyone in your life, your spouse included. If you do not accept this you will never be able to move past arguments or small disagreements. In fact, thinking that you two should always agree may actually hurt the relationship when you don’t.

Myth 4: Marriage Will Always Make You Feel Complete
The Truth: Many people think that their spouse is going to be the one thing that makes their life complete and whole. However, this is not always the case. Marriage and love is only one piece in the puzzle called life; you need other things as well such as family, friends, and fulfilling work in order to have a complete life. Yes, marriage is a piece of this but relying only on marriage will not mean that you have a complete life or that you will always feel complete.

Myth 5: The More Shared Activities, the Better the Relationship
The Truth: This is definitely not true. There will be times when you need space to be by yourself or with friends. Spending too much time together can make even the little things seem annoying or even exciting activities seem mundane. No, you shouldn’t go off for days at a time, but going off periodically for a night on your own or having an activity just for yourself is not a bad thing.

Myth 6: Being in Love Means There Will Always Be Romance
The Truth: Romance and love are not the same thing. Romance is the showing of love, while love itself is unseen. Just because you no longer go on fancy dinners, buy gifts, or shower your spouse with PDA does not mean that there is not love. Sometimes as a marriage progresses, it just becomes harder to show the love than you truly have for your loved one.

Myth 7: If You Have to Work on a Marriage, Something is Wrong
The Truth: No relationship is ever going to be perfect, and when a relationship transitions into marriage, there are many new problems that can arise. Because of this there will always work that needs to be done; even after decades together. If you don’t acknowledge this, you can have small issues in your marriage that can turn into something more serious.

Myth 8: You Can Change Their Patterns of Behavior
The Truth: Many people get set in their ways and do not like to change their behaviors or routines. Just because you get married doesn’t mean that your spouse won’t bring in routines or behaviors from their single life that you aren’t fond of. Accept that there is going to be a transition time for both of you.

Myth 9: Who you Marry is More Important Than When you Marry Them
The Truth: There is some truth behind the phrase “right person, wrong timing.” Yes, commitment, passion, and intimacy are all important to a marriage and if you have all those things it should be able to work. However, that isn’t always the case. If you marry someone when you aren’t financially secure, or are still living with your parents, or are very immature then you may not be able to make the marriage last. If it is the right person, they’ll wait for the right timing.

Myth 10: Being a Housewife is a Waste of Potential
The Truth: Taking care of kids and a home can be just as demanding as having a full-time job. In fact, a spouse that takes care of the house responsibilities work 7 days a week, nearly 24 hours a day, and rarely get a day off. They deal with sick kids, a dirty house, cooking, homework, and many more small things that quickly add up to one big responsibility. Being a stay at home parent takes a lot of skill and dedication to the family. Don’t look down on your spouse just because they would rather stay at home than be in an office from 9-5; it’s a much harder job than you may think.

Now that you know these 10 marriage myths you will be able to avoid them and take steps toward a healthy marriage. Just make sure that you are not expecting miracles from your marriage. Accept that you will have to work on your marriage and that there will be a transition time for you and your spouse.

What kind of husband are you? Not sure? Take this short 5 question quiz to find out how you measure up against 5 traits that make a great husband!

1.Your wife comes to you with a problem in your marriage. Maybe it is something small like, you didn’t take the trash out. Or maybe, it is something bigger; like she thinks you could be cheating on her. What do you do?

A.Take a breath and listen. You need to know her side before you respond.
B.Talk over her to get your point across. You didn’t DO anything! She shouldn’t be jumping down your throat!
C.Yell. You hate when she does things like this and you need her to know that you are in charge. If she does not trust you then that is her problem.

Correct Answer: A
There are five big traits that make a good husband and listening is one of them. If you do not listen, then you cannot respond properly. However, listening to your wife also shows that you care about the problem and are more willing to work it out; no matter how big or small. You are showing that you take her seriously.

2.You walk in the door and are immediately met with the dreaded question: How was your day?” How do you answer?

A.You put your bag down, sit down at the table, and talk. Yes, your day has been pretty average but you run your wife through a brief description of what happened. You know she just wants to be included in your life.
B.Shrug and say something like, “it was ok.” After all, your day was pretty average, you’re tired, you do not want to talk, and you are pretty sure your wife does not really want to hear about your meetings.
C.Shrug and walk upstairs you are tired, you want some food, and you are pretty sure she will not be hurt by your response.

Correct Answer: A
One thing you should always do in a marriage is to make yourself known. In the first few months of a new relationship you will want to tell your wife anything and everything, but eventually that will fade. Include her in your life and share; your bond will stay strong this way.

3.Your wife rolls over one night and tells you she scared about being a mother. She doesn’t know what to do and she doesn’t think she’ll be good at it. What do you do?

A.Turn on the light and talk to her. You know she’ll make a great mom! Also share with her how scared you are about something to make sure she knows she isn’t the only one with fears.
B.Tell her she’ll make a great mom and not to worry.
C.Tell her to go back to bed. Who really cares? You two aren’t even trying, yet…

Correct Answer: A
In a marriage you want to be open and vulnerable. Don’t ever worry about something without telling your wife and if she is worried hear her out and share. Vulnerability shows trust, commitment, and deep love.

4.How often are you and your wife intimate?

A.A few times a month
B.Once a month; maybe twice (sometimes)
C.Once every few months; not that often anymore

Correct Answer: A
The answer “not tonight” isn’t just an annoyance to you, it’s the sign that something is really wrong with your relationship. If you are hearing this phrase several times a months and intimacy has dropped, then your marriage might be struggling. Intimacy is the way that marriages stay connected on a deep level and without it your marriage is more than likely going to suffer. .

5.Your wife just lost her job, which is vital to supporting your family. What do you do?

A: Offer to take up something else on the side until she can find something. It’s only temporary
B: Get in to a fight about it, but then decide to pick up some extra work after all.
C: Refuse to get another job; you’re already working hard! She’s just going to have to figure out how to cut back.

Correct Answer A:
Marriage isn’t always 50/50; sometimes it’s 30/70 or even 60/40. You need to be willing and step up to the plate to care for your family even if it’s an inconvenience.

So, how did you do?
If you answered mostly A’s then you’re an A+ husband! You know the ins and outs of your relationship and you’re committed to it!

If you answered mostly B’s you need some training. You’re on the right track but you are far from being the perfect husband.

If you answered mostly C’s then now might be a good time to sit down with your spouse and have an open conversation about how the both of you could help improve each other’s commitment to the success of your marriage. Just remember that you, your spouse, and your children are all on the same team, so when one member suffers, so does the rest of the team.

There are a lot of different types of people in your life. There are those who cheer you on; those who put up (and love) you despite the annoying person that you can be; and then there are the dream stealers. These are the people who – either intentionally or unintentionally – have found ways to convince you that your dreams were stupid, fruitless or even impossible. They are not the people who give you sound advice and who try to keep you from making big mistakes.

Don’t let these naysayers strip you of your dreams during your middle age years and keep you from achieving the midlife success that you deserve! There’s no reason why those “Dream Vampires” should have the power to suck away the positive attitude and energy that you need in your life in order to pursue your own dreams and passions in life! Guard you dreams by first recognizing who it is that are trying to steal them away.

Types of Dream Vampires
I have recognized four types of dream stealers. They should all be watched carefully to ensure that they do not succeed in keeping you from moving forward in your life:

1.Unintentional Dream Vampires: These people don’t mean you harm you, but they certainly not shy about sharing their opinions, which tend to be a bit negative, no matter why type of advice they are offering you. The good news is that these people are not malicious, and if you gently let them know what they are doing, they will often stop.
2.Concerned Dream Vampires: There are people (often a parent or a spouse) who try to dissuade you from your efforts in an attempt to save you from disappointment. Their goal is not malicious. Concern is the driving force behind these naysayer’s actions.

3.Intentional Dream Vampires: These people knows exactly what they are doing and they do it anyway! The most destructive form of Dream Vampires, these people hate to see anyone succeed (other than themselves), and they make it a point to dissuade others from doing something that could lead to success, in an attempt to make themselves seem more important.

4.Jealous Dream Vampires: unable to fulfill their own dreams, jealous Dream Vampires lurks behind the scenes, doing whatever is necessary to make you fail. Be very wary of these type of vampires; they can be very dangerous.

Safeguard Your Dreams and Aspirations
What do you do when you come face to face with someone who is trying to keep you from aspiring to great things? Here are some simple tips to try:

• Keep Quiet. Avoid talking about your big plans; new project or endeavors. The less others know about your efforts, the less they can thwart your dreams with their negative remarks and opinions.
• Forget your failures. Don’t give a Dream Vampire ammunition to use against you. Never tell them about your failures; only your successes.
• Plan Your Own Attack. Think about what you will say (or do) to counteract what a Dream Vampire says about your plans. Have some witty comebacks at the ready. That should halt their verbal attacks and even if it doesn’t, it will give you the confidence to better handle that negative energy.

Everyone has dreams. As we get older, we feel a need to accomplish them before it is too late. When you find yourself staring a Dream Vampire in the face, be ready to walk away, knowing that your aspirations are worth both your time and energy! The time is NOW to forget what others have to say, and go give your dreams a shot!

Giving back isn’t just a nice sentiment; it is essential to life. It has been proven that the more we give, the more we get back. This is true in every area of our lives, including business. In order to achieve our dreams, it is vital that we learn to give back to others. Find ways to contribute to others’ lives in a tangible and meaningful way. This means different things to different people

Giving Your Time
As you grow in your business, do not forget to invest in others’ dreams as well. Give your time in helping others fulfill their own dreams. Become a mentor to another entrepreneur. Or if you have a special skill, share it with someone. Sometimes the most important thing we can give is our time. In a world where no one has the time to get it all done, finding some to give away can be a precious gift.

Giving Your Energy
Energy is not always easy to give away –especially when you are exhausted! But, it is an important thing to share. Doing something tangible to help someone is one way to use your energy to benefit the community. Volunteer at a soup kitchen; clean a park; help clean out an elderly person’s garage.

Get the people in your office to pitch in and find a project to work on together. It will help foster relationships within the office as well as give you all a way to pay it forward.
Whether you find things to do as an individual; a family; or business, look for ways to use your energies to benefit others.

Giving Your Resources
It is easy to write a check to local charities or organizations that you feel passionate about. But have you considered ways in which you can use your resources in a more tangible way? Maybe you have some empty warehouse space that a local group could use? When the economy tightened, one businessman found himself with several empty warehouses. He reached out to a local food pantry and sure enough they needed extra space to store incoming donations. Suddenly those warehouses were being used for a good cause.

Another thing to consider: you talents. Are you a dentist that can offer a free clinic once a month? Or maybe you are physical therapist who can donate one afternoon a month to work with elderly stroke victims at no charge.

Think about all of the different resources you have both personally and in your business, and find ways to share them. There is a lot of need out there and if people like you and me would just take a little time to think of ways to share our own resources, many of those needs could be filled.

Take time on a regular basis to look for ways to serve others. In business that may mean helping a struggling employee find a ride to work. Or helping a young student to get an internship to learn the business. Or maybe it means using some of the resources your company has available to make someone else’s life easier.

When service is a commitment made by your entire company, the benefits are great. Paying it forward has a unique way of coming right back at you, often giving you a competitive edge. But be real about it. If you are not authentic, your business will not thrive. But if you serve with authentic enthusiasm and real passion, then you will soon discover that you get more than you could ever give.

Never underestimate the power of loyalty. It is a vital ingredient to business success. Without loyal customers, your business will fail to grow and without loyal employees, your business will falter. You need people to trust what you have to say; believe in what you offer; and follow your lead.

Developing a loyal following is never easy. It takes hard work, determination and an ability to make people trust you. Fail to follow-through and the people in your life will stop believing – in you and in your business.

Think about the most successful businesses in history. Maybe one was a hotel franchise; while another was a local restaurant. Two totally different types of businesses, yet both achieving great success. What was their common denominator? Loyalty. They worked to earn their customers’ trust and in return those same customers came back time and time again. Their businesses grew as their customers recommended them to family and friends.

Similarly, those same businesses could have never succeeded if they didn’t have employees who trusted in what the ownership was doing. They believed in the goal and worked hard for its achievement. In the end, both employee and management experienced the highest level of accomplishment.

You can do the same in your business dealings. Be the kind of man that your employees respect, and your customers trust. Be fair. Be honest. Be a team player. This doesn’t mean that you have to be everyone’s “pal” or that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself and your business. What it does mean is to be a person of integrity.

Your prime responsibility is to be the kind of leader that people look up to. Never take short cuts in your business dealings, and always play fair. Sure you may be able to muscle out a better deal today; but at what cost for tomorrow? It is these kinds of actions that people notice and respond too. When that big contract comes along, the person you treated fairly during those hard negotiations is going to be on your side.

Don’t be the person who is out to make a quick buck at everyone else’s’ expense.
Treat people with disregard and disrespect and they will remember you for a long time – and they won’t remember you kindly.

Instead, be the kind of salesman; manager; and business associate that people acknowledge; turn to; and respect. People with integrity survive life’s roughest storms, while those who are only out for themselves tend to falter and fade away. Invest in the people around you and reap the rewards; both within your business dealings and in your life.

Kids need to feel loved; and sometimes that means going out of your way to show them how you feel. Not sure how to express your true emotions to your child? Here are 10 great ways to say “I Love You” without actually saying it.

1.Plan special “you and me” time. It doesn’t have to be a big date, but do try and carve out some one-on-one time with each of your kids. Maybe your three-year-old loves trucks. Take him to the local fire station to see the trucks. Or maybe your teen loves ice cream. By all means, plan an ice scream date. It is simple times like these that will help you build the kind of relationship with your kids that will last a lifetime.

2.Solicit your kids’ help. Everyone knows that toddlers love to lend a hand. Be willing to let your kids roll up their sleeves and pitch in (even when it makes the job harder). But don’t stop there. As your kids grow, they need to feel as if you trust them with more important jobs. From time to time let your kids help with those bigger – more complicated – tasks. Handle a big job together – be sure to watch your attitude though. Losing your patience or getting aggravated by your child’s inability to get it right won’t help you build the bond that you are after. Be prepared for mistakes and learn to plough through them with a smile.

3.Listen to your child’s dreams. No matter how goofy they may seem to you, take your child’s dreams seriously. Be supportive and offer guidance. It may be true that your young son will never be a super hero like in the comic books, but who knows, with some encouragement, he could become a firefighter, policeman or some other super hero in today’s modern world.

4.Leave your kids love notes. No need to be gushy here, but if you travel a lot or come home after your kids have gone to bed, leave a note telling her how much you missed her today; wishing him luck on the big test; or simply leave a note saying have a great day. Occasionally texting your kids short notes of encouragement can also be a wonderful way to let them know you are thinking of them.

5.Take a class together. No matter what your child’s age, find something you can learn together. Choose something you aren’t good at (or have never tried) to give your child the chance to excel at something where you won’t overshadow him. Maybe you want to learn jazz, or painting, or golfing. It doesn’t matter what the activity, just pick something you both want to learn – or get batter at.

6.Learn the names of your kids friends.’ Nothing says I care more than taking time to know those in their life. – Just be sure to avoid trying to chum up to their friends; that’s too weird.

7.Hug your teenager. But don’t do it in public! You may get a weird look or even a blow-off the first few times, but teens need that kind of support and hunger for it, even though they balk at the idea.

8.Never tell embarrassing stories about your kids (either in their presence or when they aren’t around). Embarrassing your kids is the #1 way to turn them away.

9.Listen more and talk less. Kids tune out parents who talk too much; but are intrigued by those who listen to what they have to say. This is something that it hard for parents, but kids love it!
10.Be more fun! Lighten up. You don’t always have to be the strict disciplinarian who’s constantly barking out orders. Take some time to relax and simply enjoy being with your kids.

Showing your kids how much they mean to you requires more than just words – it takes actions. We Dad’s aren’t always good at that sort of thing, but we need to try. As your kids grow, seek out ways to stay connected and keep showing your kids how much you love them – even when you don’t like them much.

It seemed like fun at first. It was that gorgeous young secretary, the neighbor you could talk to, or the divorcee at the local bar. You started talking, exchanged numbers, and the next thing you know… you had started an affair. Now here you are, stuck between your girlfriend and your wife. Not only could this devastate your marriage and dissolve your family, but it can also cost you big time. Affairs are NOT cheap. In fact, many men pay for their unfaithfulness with their hard earned cash and more. So, before you start talking to that beautiful blonde or entering a flirtationship with the woman in the cubical next to you; think about the financial implications of starting a mid-life affair.

Who Is The Woman?
Many men going through a mid-life crisis often have affairs with women much younger than them or women who are also married. They do this because they are unsatisfied and unfulfilled in their marriage. Many see another woman as a source of both fun and excitement; something they do not think their partner can give them anymore. However, the financial implications of dating a younger woman can be severe. Younger women can often get money out of those they have had an affair with by saying they were coerced into the relationship. This often happens when the man breaks it off with their mistress to go back to their wife or breaks up with both women. This becomes even more of an issue if the younger woman works for the older man’s company. For example, a secretary having an affair with a man in the office would be able to get money by saying she was coerced into a relationship; especially if it was sexual. Although this does not always happen, the men it happens to can be out thousands of dollars for manipulating a woman younger than them, especially if they are in a position of power.

Gifts and Luxury Items
Many older men keep their young girlfriends and mistresses a secret through large purchases. Some women receive handbags and clothing while others get housing allowances and cars. Any way you slice it, this is extremely expensive and time consuming. You are paying for this affair not just in gifts and luxuries but with your stress.

Paying the Piper
So, you have had an affair and your wife has left you. She has taken your kids, left the house, and filed for divorce. Because of this she has hired a lawyer to sue you for emotional damage, take the house, and have custody of your children. The only way you are going to keep any of this is to hire your own lawyer and fight back. Many times, however, this will not always help you. According to the Huffington Post nearly 95% of divorces caused by a man’s infidelity end up with the man paying a significant amount of money to their ex-wives. If your affair ends in divorce you can be on the hook for child support and you can have to give up your house, car, or countless other possessions to your ex or sell them to pay out damages. The courts have never been easy on those whose marriages end from infidelity.

Rent?
There are some men who go a little further in order to have an affair. While some men will conduct their affair in their own home, some will actually rent out an apartment or condo for them and their girlfriends or mistresses. This can be pricy and difficult o hide form your wife. In this situation you are paying an extreme amount of money to keep the affair going and you have the added stress of hiding it.

Many men simply do not realize that an affair can cost them much more than just their pride. It can cost them their family and a lot of their hard earned cash. A mid-life affair may seem new and exciting, but it can cost you much more than it is worth. So, before you lean over that cubicle, buy a drink for that pretty woman, or give your number to the neighbor; be sure you understand all of the risks that a mid-life affair poses to you financially and otherwise.

Middle age men have a lot going for them. They have more money … more prestige ... and more power. There is a lot to be gained in these middle years. There is also a lot to lose.

No mistake is small for the middle aged man. One slip up and he can ruin his career; drain his bank account; and lose his wife and family. The temptations of the past now come with more consequences. Yes, an affair in your 20’s could have caused a break-up, but a divorce would change your lifestyle.

The middle age man has a lot of power. His wife and kids trust him. People at work listen to him. Society seeks his input and help. This much trust gives him power. It also leaves him vulnerable to making big mistakes.

Men who become disillusioned with life begin to feel badly about themselves. This is a hot zone that can be dangerous since a man seeking to feel better about himself may begin to use (and abuse) his power to control others. Maybe you use your influence to entice a young woman at the office into an elicit affair; or you begin to shift a few dollars from the company’s accounts to your own. Both of these actions are wrong. Maybe even illegal. Either can result in a loss of trust and respect by those who depend on you.

Don’t let your own power trip sabotage your life. Middle aged men do this all of the time. They begin to think they won’t get caught, or if they do, that nothing really bad can happen to the, After all, their wives love them and will take them back and their bosses know how hard they have worked over the years and will overlook some small discrepancies. Not so fast! Once you break the trust you have with these people they are going to turn on you and you will be left with nothing.

Yes, wives may forgive a fling, but few can overlook a long term affair and multiple lies. Even if they do, there is going to be a price to pay for your infidelity. The same is true at work and in your societal roles within the community. Lose the trust of that important board you sit on and they will get rid of you.

Using your middle age power and influence to get what you want regardless of the consequences never ends well. Look at all of the men who have hit the news in recent years following some sort of scandal. Some were able to regroup and make amends, but most simply fade away, alone and desperate.

Before falling victim to your own scandalous actions take a moment to consider the fallout. What is the worst thing that would happen if you were caught with that young executive or if the accounting department at work suddenly realized that you were adding a few personal items onto your corporate credit card? Your actions may not seem all that bad right now, but consider the consequences. Are they worth it? If the answer is no, then get a hold of yourself right now and stop!

The thought of what would happen if anyone “found out” might be your biggest ally. Many men have avoided midlife crisis pitfalls simply by considering the result of their actions. Buying a sports car is one thing; driving recklessly and hurting someone is quite another. Remember, the impact of your actions reach far beyond yourself. Think about that the next time your impulse is to do something stupid.

Middle aged men are out of control … and they are paying the price. You see it everywhere you look: your neighborhood; workplace; even in the church. Men are having affairs; going into debt; and basically running their lives into the ground. What is driving these men to speed toward the cliff -- and over it?

Midlife is a time of change; the kind of change many men can’t handle. As men reach this stage in their lives they have more freedom. Their careers are on a solid track and their positions often allow them more ability to come and go as they please… their kids are older giving them more time to spend doing the things they love … they have more money to spend … and their wives feel secure enough in their relationship to not ask many questions. This leaves the middle age man able to pretty much do as he pleases. This should be the time of his life. Unfortunately, I have watched as too many men use this power to destroy it all – their marriages … their families … and even their careers.

Middle age men are restless. They look back and see all of the things left undone; and when they look forward they fail to see the possibilities of renewal. Instead all they see is a life filled with drudgery and boredom. The man who has accomplished his dreams feels as if the excitement of the hunt is gone; while the man who has failed to live up to his so-called potential feels as if life has passed him by. This leaves guys looking for more. The problem is they look in all the wrong places.

At no other time in his life does a man have more money, influence, power, responsibility, stress, and yes, temptation. Add to this the physical and emotional changes he is going through and the result can be disastrous.

Men are doers. They believe in going out and conquering the world. Give them too much or too little to accomplish at this stage of life and they are bound to fight back. The overwhelmed middle ager fights for his freedom; while the accomplished middle ager fights to keep his standing in his world.

Everyone knows a middle age man who seems to have lost his mind. He begins to act like a teenager again. Everyone sees it (and many snicker behind his back). Yet, few actually try to stop him from destroying what he has built. Maybe it is because it is too much fun to watch him implode. Or maybe it is simply because he won’t listen even if you try.

Middle age men are in the fight of their lives. They are restless and unbalanced and they are careening down the hillside out of control. There is too much chaos in their heads –and their lives – and in an attempt to fix it all they usually only make things worse. This makes them angry and frustrated, which only adds to their problems.

Ask a middle age man in crisis about his life and he will spew out all sorts of negatives; his job stinks; his wife is boring; his house is falling apart. In most cases none of this is true. His perceptions have been altered by boredom; disillusionment; and yes, even his hormones. Feeling as if time is running out, the middle aged man tries to grab at the last remnants of his youth in order to feel whole. A better approach might be to enjoy this unique phase of life. Middle age really isn’t bad – for most it can be a time of freedom, enjoyment and pleasure. The key to surviving the transition from youth to maturity is to accept this time of life for what it is and relish the benefits it offers.

By this stage of your career your job is set and people come to you for guidance. Maybe you aren’t in the trenches day in and day out, feeling the exhilaration of the chase as you did earlier in your career, but instead of wallowing in what has been lost, enjoy the freedom that comes with this richer position. Many men find their 40’s and 50’s to be a time of stagnation in their careers as they reach the level they will stay at for awhile. This isn’t all bad. It means you can relax. You’ve reached the top, now enjoy it!

Men married 20 or 30 years often become disgruntled with their wives. The excitement is gone. Things have become mundane both in their day to day dealings with their spouse and in the bedroom. Having known each other for so long, everything becomes comfortable. Suddenly, the middle age man is on the prowl for more excitement; which often involves an affair with a younger woman. The problem is that men at this age also need a deeper relationship. The sex is great, but the affair usually peters out when he can’t connect on any other level. Instead of looking for excitement elsewhere, wouldn’t a better strategy be to create more excitement in the relationship you already have?

The middle age man is looking for something that he can’t quite explain. Too often he throws away what he has in search of what he wants, only to realize too late that with a few changes he had the exact life he was after.

What’s wrong with middle age men? They are in transition and that transition is hard. They feel lost and they don’t know how to find their way. So what is the answer? I believe it is important for the middle age man (and those approaching this danger zone) to recognize the changes they are experiencing –and the way these changes are making them feel – and work hard to avoid the pitfalls that lay ahead.

Surviving middle age does not have to mean giving up your dreams or settling for an unfulfilling life. It does require taking a good hard look at yourself and deciding what you want out of life and making a realistic plan to spend the next phase of your life going after those dreams.

Entering middle age shouldn’t throw you into a frenzy of panic. You have plenty of time to get what you want out of life. The key to getting it is to acknowledge the stage of life you are in, and embrace it for all it has to offer. Quitting your job; getting a new partner; and becoming a whole new entity is not the answer. Finding ways to incorporate new experiences and new dreams into the life you already have is.

When it comes to infidelity and after the affair recovery in couple therapy, here are the top 3 common questions I often get asked:
1. Is it possible to avoid affairs and affair-proof your marriage?
2. Are there ways to ruin my cheating husband's / wife's affair and show them what they have with me?
3. I think about cheating often and get really tempted, can the marriage still work?

Yes, is the answer to these questions!
I have answered them below in my 4 Steps to Help Avoid Affairs in Your Marriage.
I normally cover this in a lot more detail in my private online group programs, infidelity audio set and 1 to 1 sessions, if you need further support scroll to the P.S section for details.

Infidelity - 4 Steps to Avoid Affairs In Marriage
Note: The below does not apply to those who have a sex addiction, for sex addiction a different strategy is required - please contact me in confidence on this matter if you are concerned you or your spouse has a sex or porn addiction.

1. Recognize that we all have the capacity to cheat.
Recognizing that we are all vulnerable to affairs can help the marriage. Apart from cheating that happens as a one-night stand, most cheating is about unmet needs.
What typically happens is someone gets hurt or frustrated that their needs for attention, affection, sex, engaging conversation, respect, care isn't being met and they become resentful. Over time, distance is created and then all it takes is for someone to come along and offer what the person has been longing for and they are tempted.
When we feel neglected it becomes easier to justify cheating. Some husbands and wives will say to me "Nicola I would never ever cheat," and that may be so, but my experience has taught me that in certain circumstances and conditions, many of us are susceptible.
It may sound strange, but awareness of how vulnerable we all can be, is the first key to protecting your marriage. Read the next steps for how to stop affairs.

2. Give your partner the 4 A's - Attention, Affection, Appreciation, and Admiration
They will reciprocate - the impact of this is massive. One person has the power alone to transform a marriage. Nearly 40% of the marriages that I save start with one person attending the marriage counseling. Focus on turning the aforementioned 4 A's into the following actions that you can take daily, and reap the rewards:
#1 Make it a habit to greet your partner when they come home.
#2 Kiss and cuddle with them every morning and night before you part ways or sleep.
#3 Ask them how they are and really listen, give them your undivided attention; no phones, TV, or other distractions.
#4 Express and show appreciation for their unique qualities, not just a "thank you" or "you're great," but rather be specific, and offer something that tells them what is special about them - then the compliment really means something!
#5 Admire them. We love and need to be admired by our partner - it makes us want to be around them more. If we feel criticized, not good enough, not respected, then we will want to avoid our partner.
Make an effort to do this especially if you are spending time apart. If one of you travels a lot for business, make sure the first 4 hours you or they return home you give each other undivided attention, affection, appreciation - this will set a positive loving tone for the rest of your weekend or week.

It's loving actions, not talking about problems that can save a marriage and help prevent a cheating husband or wife. That's why my marriage counseling is never about hashing out old problems.

3. Take control, set boundaries, and protect your marriage
The best thing you can do for your marriage if you feel yourself getting close to someone inside or outside of work, is to pull away and avoid being alone with that person. Ideally only see them in group settings and decline any one-on-one invitations in order to protect your marriage. You have to shield yourself from temptation.
Another thing that works well is to bring your spouse along to meet them or invite them over for dinner with your spouse, it will change how you interact and that is a good thing if flirting has been going on.
Some married men and women end up deciding to avoid the person, whom they feel tempted around, altogether and while that may seem a bit extreme... is your marriage and family worth protecting? Most people say yes, especially those who have cheated. Here you need to get honest with yourself, if you do this your spouse won't need to control you.
It is also worth noting that controlling each other doesn't work, before or after an affair. Monitoring each other's phone, social media and whereabouts will drive them or you further away.

4. Use any fantasies to improve your marriage.
If you find yourself fantasying about what it might be like to be with someone else then look for what the fantasy could be telling you about your own relationship.
Could it be a signal that you need more attention, affection or a more fulfilling sex life?
Is it highlighting that something is missing?
Can it give you clues of what you and your partner could to work on to be happier?
Analyze your thoughts and see what you can learn from them, they can often teach us how we wish we were with our partner. Then you can use the information to increase the love, passion and happiness in your own marriage. To reconnect, you need to focus on their needs, and they will reciprocate.
I recommend you first ask them, how they view the relationship, what you could do to make them happier. This open approach, if done well, can spark transformation and a new era for your marriage. I offer many tips on how to motivate your spouse to change in the “Save My Marriage Program,” and I offer a bonus 2 part infidelity audio recording for you to keep. To find out more book your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation - simply visit http://www.savemymarriageprogram.com/consult
From my heart to yours,
Nicola

Nicola is a Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program. She specializes in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less…Guaranteed!
P.S Unsure if Your Marriage Can Be Saved? Get the FREE Quiz - Can My Marriage Be Saved? To find out, it addresses 30 marriage problems and looks at whether it's possible to save your marriage and what actions to take if you can. Take the QUIZ now http://www.savemymarriageprogram.com/quiz